The Things That Come of Botany
by Shego2Drakken
Summary: AUVERY loose parody of Little Shop of Horrors. Basil is an eccentric genius who works at a flower shop. When he discovers his weird plant is not all it seems, weird things happen...
1. Discovery

Summary: AU. Basil is an eccentric genius who works as an assistant at a flower store, trying to impress his female co-worker (Moan and weep, all ye Basil fan girls!). Dawson is the owner who considers Basil to be like a son to him. Ratigan is genetic experiment R285426. Through a series of happy (and some mildly unhappy) incidents, Basil ends up with a plant in an odd pot, bearing the tag "Experiment R285426". When the plant grows to enormous size, it develops strange abilities, like, oh, say, talking?

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"Basil?", Dawson called up the stairs. "Basil?"

"Coming!" Basil shouted, dashing down the stairs. Stopping at the bottom, he paused to catch his breath. "Hello, Dawson." He looked up, confused. "Where's Age?"

Dawson shook his head in mild disgust. "Going out with that dentist again."

Basil sighed, sadly. "_She was going out with him again?_" Snapping out of his momentary reverie, he glanced back up at Dawson. "Do you want help with anything?"

Dawson sighed. "Business lately has been poor. We're going to have to do something quick in case things start getting worse."

Basil mentally agreed. While he was a genius in some aspects, he had a tendency to be mildly eccentric, which caused a lot of businesses to not want him as an employee. Dawson was kind enough, however, to give him a job and board here, which was enough.

However business hadn't exactly been good lately, and they would have to do something quick for all their sakes.

Basil thought a moment. "Well, there _is_ that strange plant I got recently."

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"Yes", Dawson said finally after a moment of staring at the strange, Venus Flytrap-like plant, "that _is_ strange."

Instead of shades of green, the plant was mostly black in coloration, with exotic stripes of crimson red along the edges and veins of the leaves, and marking the pod on the top of the stem.

"Where did you get such an unusual plant, Basil?"

Basil frowned and thought a moment. "I think... I think it was that Chinese man down the street."

"Well, that's nothing new. You can always expect something weird over there-"

"But", Basil interrupted, "this is truly odd." At this, he pulled out a tag that was completely blank, save for the words "ExperimentR285426".

"I say, Basil, was that-?"

"From the plant?", Basil finished. "Yes. The owner of the store said the man who left it here was possibly from the military. Odd, no?"

"Yes, it seems a bit fishy..."

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And so they placed it in the front window. Eventually one person came. And another. And another.

Until, finally, the day was over.

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Basil sighed. "That was one hard day." Dawson had left already, and Basil was left to organize the plants in the basement. His exotic plant was on his desk, where he'd left it.

Basil grimaced at the thought of the plant. He'd scoured through all of his botany books twice, and he found absoloutely nothing. Nadda. Zilch.

And there was the matter of the strange tag. "Experiment R285426"? There was only one meaning for that: This... thing wasn't created naturally.

"**_Ouch!_**" Basil suddenly yelped. He was so lost in thought, he had accidentally mishandled some roses, pricking his finger, and causing him to drop the pot. "Damn roses!", he swore, sucking on the wounded finger. Turning to find a replacement pot, he saw something that shocked and amazed him at the same time.

Sitting in front of the plant was the box of bandages, with the plant actually nudging it towards him. Trying not to seem ungrateful, and despite his shock, he accepted the box with a meek "Thank you".

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Later, as he sat and ate his cheese pizza, he examined the plant with curiousity, and it did so with him.

"What are you?", he asked finally, his pizza devoured, leaving only the crusts.

The plant changed the subject by poking its nose towards the pizza crusts. Basil sighed, but agreed. The plant happily scarfed down the pizza crusts, and Basil wondered what effects it would have on the plant.

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But it did just the opposite of harming the plant. In fact, it made the plant grow bigger, and bigger, until it became almost as high as the ceiling, and needed to be kept in the main room, just because it was so big. Thankfully, it stopped growing after that.

But, while Basil was pleased with his success with the plant, he was saddened with his failure with Adrienne. He had deduced, though Age never told them, that her dentist boyfriend was beating her for any and every mistake she made.

It was a hard time for Basil, but it was about to get a bit harder, if not odder...

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At the window, Basil watched as Jack's (the dentist) motorcycle pulled up to his apartment, Age riding on the back. As they stopped, Age fell off, and he watched in horror as Jack slapped her face.

"I don't believe it", Basil said to himself. "Why didn't she see it in that man?!" Turning to the plant, now taller than him, he said "It can't get any worse than this."

Suddenly, the plant's closed flower-like bulb tipped forward, looking more like a muzzle now than ever. "Agh, crap! Not _you_, too!" Sighing, he turned away, wishing he'd never said it couldn't get worse. "You're pretty much the only reason Age stays at the store with her father."

He growled angrily. "What does a guy like me have to do to get attention around here?!"

"What?", a voice asked sarcastically from behind him. "Like it would kill you to talk to her?!"

Basil whipped around, gasping. That voice... There was only one place it could logically have come from. "No..."

**_Tsuzuku..._**


	2. Death And Rebirth

AN: On to the next chapter. Three guesses who the plant is...

By the way, although the story may say "said", the plant isn't exactly "talking". Just to clear up confusion.

And thirdly (or secondly, however you count it), there is some slightly momentary nudity later in the chapter, so, if you're offended, don't read.

_That_ said, let's start.

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Basil was agape. "You?!"

"No" the plant said sarcastically (though it technically didn't actually "speak"), "It was the roses. _Of course, me!_"

"But... who are you?"

"I thought it was obvious", the plant said dryly.

"What?", Basil asked, confused for once in his life.

"Check the tag."

"Ah", Basil breathed, remembering the tag. "Experiment-?"

"Experiment R285426?", the plant finished. "Yeah, that's what they called me at the labs. But they mostly just call me 'Ratigan'."

"Ratigan?", Basil inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't ask."

"Don't worry, I _won't_", Basil said, smirking.

Suddenly, a bell rang as someone entered the shop downstairs. The plant turned its head slightly when he heard that. "What's that?", he asked urgently.

"Oh, come on!", Basil exclaimed indignantly. "You've been here long enough to tell that was someone... entering..."

"Through the back door?!" the plant finished, mildly scared.

"Hello?" a curt voice called. "Anybody here?"

There was a sharp gasp from the plant. "Quick! Hide me!", he whispered.

"Why?", Basil asked incredulously.

"Less argue, more hide!"

"All right, all right!", Basil hissed as he threw a sheet over the plant.

Mere seconds after the plant was hidden, a man in an army uniform stepped in through the employee entrance, carrying a nondescript briefcase. "Mr. Basil?"

"Er... yes?"

"Have you seen this?", the officer asked, holding up a picture of R285426 in its smaller form.

"Um... Just out of curiousity, what is that?"

"An experiment stolen from a top secret lab. The details are unfortunately hush-hush, so I can't tell you exactly what it is."

Under the sheet, Experiment R285426 wasn't going to sit around and do nothing. All right, he'd be sitting around, but he wouldn't be doing nothing.

Slowly, a vine crept from around the sheet, and crept up to the officer's face. The officer noticed it, and that was when he struck... so to speak. There was a loud CRACK, and a spray of reddish powder flew into the officer's face.

Basil raised an eyebrow as the officer suddenly fell over onto the floor. "This...", he said finally, "...is interesting."

"Just get him out of here, but take his briefcase."

"And what happens when he wakes up?", Basil asked sarcastically.

"Don't worry. The last thing he'll remember is walking down the street, and his brain will create the memory of being attacked, and, therfore, he'll reason that the briefcase was stolen."

"Very smart."

If the plant was a person, it'd be grinning smugly. "I don't know how I do these things, I _just_ know."

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Basil frowned as he went through the papers in the briefcase. This was strange, indeed. Finally he came to a passage that caught his interests.

_"...is unique because of its insect-like metamorphasis. When the plant reaches maturity, the plant's bulb has transformed into a makeshift womb, and eventually produces an adult rodent, furless and temporarily blind, as if he/she were still newborn. Since we have rat genes handy, we will use those as the template for Experiment R285426..."_

Basil put the paper down suddenly. This was growing even more mysterious by the minute...

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And so Basil and Ratigan had to explain the past events to Adrienne and Dawson (after the two got used to hearing a plant "speak").

Time slowly passed, but Basil already realized that Ratigan was already reaching maturity; a fact that was confirmed by the pulse the mouse felt sometimes when he touched the plant's bulb. The plant was slowly withering, but Basil knew that something was growing inside the plant itself. All they would be able to do was wait...

Until one stormy night...

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Dawson and Adrienne paced back and forth outside the spare bedroom above the shop. They had barely managed to move the plant upstairs, though it was somewhat lighter than when they had to move it around in the store. The plant was now mostly shriveled and dead, excepting the bulb, where Basil knew life was waiting to be born (or reborn, all things considered).

Inside the room, Basil observed the plant with fierce concentration. Nothing would happen without him knowing-

Suddenly, the plant started to shake violently. The neck of the plant started thrashing from side to side like an uncontrollable garden hose. The mouse's muscles tensed, as he prepared to spring. Suddenly the plant's bulb flopped forward, and-

**_SPLAT!!!!_**

Now writhing on the floor was a very furless and very freezing Ratigan. Eyes squeezed shut, the rodent was shivering from lack of fur, and also from the slime that covered his form. After getting over the momentary shock of what happened, Basil dashed over and covered Ratigan with the blanket. As soon as the shuddering died down, Basil escorted Ratigan to the bed.

As soon as Ratigan had buried himself in the blanket, Basil softly asked "Are you okay?"

"Ugh... cramped..." was the reply.

Basil sighed. Ratigan was alive, and one of the worst parts was over.

Or so he thought...

**_Tsuzuku..._**

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Well, that's another chapter down. You may notice I failed to mention the momentary nudity in this chapter, but, well... Bzzzz!!

That said, I apoligize if anyone's offended.


	3. Miasmic Pasts and Destinies

AN: So I'm updating this, too. What can I say? I'm in an updating mood.  
  
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A few days later, Ratigan pulled the blankets close to his form. His skin still itched like crazy, due to the fact that his fur was coming in, but he just wanted to stay warm.

Basil peeked into the room. "Can I come in?"

"All right."

Basil strode calmly over to the chair by the rat's bed and sat down. "Is your fur coming in all right?"

"Well, it's coming in, but it's making my skin itch like it's on fire."

After a moment of silence, Basil finally said "There's something I have to ask you."

"What?"

"Where..." Basil hesitated, wondering how he could ask the question. Finally: "Where did you come from?"

"Well, as you probably figured out, I was brought here from some kind of military laboratory. Why I was created, I don't know. But I wonder..."

"Wonder what?", Basil asked.

"I wonder what they made me for..."

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The director frowned as he stared blankly ahead in thought. It was obvious that, while the officer that had taken Experiment R285426 had been captured and eliminated, the experiment itself had not been returned. He would have to pull some strings to see it returned. But it would have to be done in secret...

Pressing a button on the table, he activated the communications link to the lab. "Mr. Bough, is Experiment R285426 version 2.0 ready?"

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In the lab, the rat named Bough sighed. Another experiment, created to be used for who knows what... Personally, he was glad that R285426 escaped through the Worldwide Evil Empire's (WEE) nets.

But he couldn't help feeling a touch of love for the rat that now rested under the blankets. "If only she knew what she was being made to do...", he muttered.

"Mr. Bough!", Gemini shouted.

"She will be ready for instruction by tomorrow", Bough said flatly, hiding the emotion in his voice.

"Very good...", Gemini said wickedly, and the speaker shut itself off.

As he turned towards the female rat again, a tear trickled down Bough's face. He would make sure version 2.0 was sent off, then he would have to escape to warn R285426. But he'd have to be careful...

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Basil had left, but what Ratigan had said still echoed inside the rat's mind.

"I was created for something... But what?"

**_Tsuzuku..._**

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The plot thickens...


End file.
